It’s Starting to get on my Nerves

June 4, 2006

Ok, I'm gonna start witht the really trivial things don't nobody really gives a shit about-cept for me. Oh, and cussing will probably ensue, why? Because I can, ok? So deal with it.

Ok, just about everybody knows I just got my own room, painted it orange, and yada yada yada, right? Well against my will my dad also put in vertical blinds. Well it's summer so we open the windows to let the cool air in right? Well those fucking vertical blinds making SO much noise!!!! I can't stand the damn things. Clickity clackity click! Etc etc etc. God. I can't read, I can't concentrate. I can't do much of anything! Can't shut the damn window or I'll roast in here! No moving 'cause I'm pratically DEAD here. So I'm complaining about it. Aw damn, back to complaining about crap ALL OVER AGAIN. Shit shit shit shit shit. Why? You know what, forget it. I'm gonna complain about this shit all that I want to. If you don't wanna read it, you don't gotta read it! But then again you don't get to know what the hell is going on in my little world either. Your choice. Make it.

Well I'm startin' to feel kinda bad for snapping at Jordan yesterday. But what can a girl do? He'll get over it. It's not like I slapped him in the face or anything*no I saved that rage for Danny boy*

You know…I can never keep any of my own promises. Like the other day-if you've been reading-I said I'm pretty much givin' up on guys-if they want me they can come and get me*not likely* otherwise, they're just friends. Well that's not going to well here. I really thought I might have a boyfriend by the end of 7th grade. Or at least have had one for more than like a week. Which is like not even having had one really. You know what really eats at me? I feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not normal. I mean my sister ha her first kiss at the very begining of 7th grade. And I always thought I'd a least have a boyfriend by then at LEAST. But I don't know what's going on. Is it me? Is it just all the guys? What am I doing WRONG?

I don't sleep much anymore, when I do it's hardly restful. All these thoughts I keep up in my head, they keep me up, they make me worry. They make me wonder. Maybe I'm better off dead.

I feel like I've got everything and nothing to live for at the same time. I mean right now, I don't have much of anything. I have my friends sure. My friends that are only there when I REALLY need them. Nobody can just go out to the movies on some day, or just come over for an hour or 2. It's gotta be real important if they're gonna put up with me for any length of time. But why oh why oh why? I am REALLY of so bad to hang out with? I'd change…Or at least I'd try.

Why do I have friends if my "friends" never want much of anything to do with me? Just answer me that. Maybe if I knew that I could fix my life. Or least I could find where I'm supposed to start. It's not fun always being the crazy kid. Somedays I just wanna be normal. All I want is to fit in. I wanna be like everyone else!

I'm done with wanting to be loved for who I am. I just wanna be loved.

-Jessica lynn


2 Responses to “It’s Starting to get on my Nerves”

  1. crazyguy1292 said

    U can hardly sleep?
    damn, im up till 11 reading this n commenting cuz u like ppl commenting on ur stuff
    im tired

  2. I DO love comments! *huggles* yay! Sorry it’s keeping you up tho.

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