Concert Night…Again (Plus randomness…)

June 9, 2006

Yeah goin' to MC concert 'cause MC rocks! No, really. But I'm goin' all alone….AGAIN!!!! At least this time someone WANTED to go, insteada jus sayin' no…Ah well. Maybe I'll get ice cream…

I had a bad day…Bad week really. If you take basketball outta the equation*well and Jordan* the whole friggin' month sucked. Well still does. Stupid hormones. Won't let me be happy for more than an hour or 2. Then it's back in the dark. *sigh* But Guess you already hear 'nough 'bout that from me…So yeah.

My god, how girly can I be? I mean sure I have an odd obsession with my hair*like every other girl* and I try and look presentable…sometimes. But geez I'm goin' a little guy crazy here. Well I mean I have been. Err, am. I keep trying to trick myself into thinking Jordan likes me. But he doesn't. Why can't I leave that alone? I should be happy, ECSTATIC with the relationship we HAVE NOW. I mean, he talks me, and in the end isn't that all I really want? I already play basketball, playing with him is…I dunno. An added bonus? It's just more fun. Ever here the saying "Real love is being stupid togethger"? Well now you have, but I mean, I can be MYSELF around Jordan, I can BE stupid. I can be anyone. Who else gives me that freedom? Sam?-girl. Nicole?-girl. Chase?-hell no, I'm still trying to make him think I'm someone I'm not-just so he'll talk to me…and only some of the time at that. You see where this is going? Yeah. Why couldn't I pick someone that wanted to play easy to get? Why not someone pick ME for once. Ah well. Gotta take you what ya got and run with it. Run far, run fast. Right? No…? To bad.

Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. What do you want me to do? No, let me rephrase that, what CAN I do? What can be done? Anything? Nothing? I should've known better than thinking I could get over you and still see you every day. I'm sorry you've gotta deal with me. I know I can be a bitch. I know I can be annoying. But I can be fun too right? I can be THERE-for someone other than me. I know I can. I'm just so sorry-you didn't ask for this-maybe I try and blame on you, but who is there to blame but me? Actually any blame at all is ridiculus-but this day and age…There's always gotta be blame.

I just wish I could sort this out. Make it easier. But I don't want help. I don't need it. I've been relying on you-and everyone else for that matter-way too much! I've gotta help you guys now. But so many people are shunning me. Have I lost most of my friends already? Was I THAT lost? THAT confused? I hope not…But maybe it's how I have to learn…The impossibly hard way. Just like always.

-Jessica lynn

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One Response to “Concert Night…Again (Plus randomness…)”

  1. crazyguy1292 said

    I’m sorry but it really is kind of scary how obsessed you were with Jordan.. that short little bastard… i mean, person

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