How could I let things get to me this way?

October 6, 2006

I feel like such a fragile little butterfly. Like I’ve never been through this before. But at the same time, I guess I haven’t…not really. Because nothing is ever the same, nothing ever repeats. *sigh* And then again, I haven’t really, and I’ve never had this kind of response, and in a completely different way, it is TOTALLY new. Ah well.

I guess I need to sort out my real problems here.  For one, as you may be able to tall. I’m talking to myself again. Maybe. And for another, I’m a little  worried about what the hell Wyatt is gonna think about, if, when he reads this. I’m not going to edit it just to keep from hurting him. But I still don’t WANT to hurt him. Sometimes I just wanna put him in a little bubble and never let anything happen to him…But then nothing would EVER happen to him…I can’t be THAT mean! I’m just so protective with my friends…I’m worried if they get hurt they’ll go through the same pain I did. But if they always have a safety net they’ll never learn to fall…And they need to learn to fall, because even I can’t catch you every time. No matter how hard I try, or how much I want to.

Moving on to other problems now…Spencer, the gay guy I acidentally fell in love with*even though I’m not exactly sure I really AM in love…I’m just calling it that, because I hate the way crush sounds, it always implies you have to get hurt…*wants to sing a duet with me for the talent show…I, of course said yes…But there’s a few probelms, one I can’t sing, two it’s a LOVE SONG, that HE PICKED, but I DID tell him if he let me pick I’d pick a love song…but I can’t sing it!!! And it makes me feel like such and idiot!!!! It’s called At The Beginning, it’s from Anastasia, don’t ask how I know ok?

Right now, even my red and orange Disney pajama pants with little blue bunnies saying SQEEZE ME! aren’t making me feel any better.  T_T Not cool!

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna call Jordan and talk to him…But he’s kind of…um…I dunno, not on my list of top 10 right now. Wait…I don’t think I even have a top 5…but he’s more at the end of the list of people I’m talking to right now ok?

I’ve got somet things I should do…well would rather do than keep talking about this. So you’ll hear more from me later.

-Jessica lynn

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