Dirty Little Secret

October 26, 2006

Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects

Let me know that I’ve done wrong
When I’ve known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you’ve thrown away
Find out games you don’t wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know
I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don’t tell anyone, or you’ll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know
When we live such fragile lives
It’s the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you’ve thrown away
Find out games you don’t wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don’t tell anyone, or you’ll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know

The way she feels inside (inside)
Those thoughts I can’t deny (deny)
These sleeping dogs won’t lie (won’t lie)
And all I’ve tried to hide
It’s eating me apart
Trace this life out

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don’t tell anyone, or you’ll be just another regret
(Just another regret)

I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don’t tell anyone, or you’ll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret

Who has to know?
who has to know?

(random fact this song was created for www.postsecret.com an awsome website/blog if I ever saw one) 

I’m listening to that and well… it fits. I feel kind of like I’m hiding a lot…And while people…ok some people, have a right to know, I still don’t really want to tell them. So this is my little escape 😀

*sigh* Well for one*since this is a little behind on the times-my fault I know* I WAS going out with Spence…but that’s ended. For several reasons. The top two-well for one I realised I was just using him as a rebound after Jordan turned me down. It was cruel, but I didn’t really know what I was doing…I guess that’s not really an excuse. Oh well. The other main reason was that he was getting on my nerves. Scaring me a little actually. He’d pop up whenever I was talking to someone, and he was getting a little too attatched to me…I guess I know why people hate leeches now…and why I need not to be one. But what totally pushed me over the edge was hearing him talk about how hot the guys from this movie-The Outsiders-we watched in B.E. were. That’s just not something you want hearing from your boyfriend.

And now I think I’m boarding on player because I like Wyatt…Well that’s not new news…but I’m worried I’m gonna do the same thing to him….again. I don’t wanna ask him out, or have him ask me out-say yes…and then have it all go to hell again. Not again, it’s too cruel. Even if he tells me it doesn’t matter if I hurt him-it would still be hurting him-and I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt him again…reguardless of whatever he may say. In my eyes-the world has enough pain, without my addition to it. And also-I know how that feels, I wouldn’t wish the feeling on my worst enemy-much less a friend.

Also-I’ve started talking to Jordan again…Yay, right. Well yes and no. I mean it’s great to talk to the guy and everything, and he makes me happy, he makes me laugh and smile…and it’s better that we’re just friends…oh I can be so convincing can’t I? So why oh why can’t I convince myself?

I don’t have a boyfriend and yet I feel like I’m cheating someone with the way I feel about Jordan…who am I cheating though? My friends? Wyatt? myself…? I don’t think I know. I’m not sure I even care.

*The following is NOT for the faint of heart or most guys*

Oh…and not that any of you really care-I’m bleeding like a stuck pig. That’s why I’m pain killer crazy-because it HURTS.  Cramps like fucking crazy. God I hate having my period…It makes me such a bitch because it hurts so bad. Sorry.

Well….I should do my homework and such…stop being a bitch to the world…get a life and lose the backbone…Be one of those plush helpless robots all the guys fall for…Too bad I couldn’t even if I tried….Even if I really wanted to. Even if they didn’t reject me…Because it breaks my own motto…’I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.’ Sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth it, and then I decide it doesn’t matter.

-Jessica lynn

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