Musem of Tolerance

June 14, 2007

and some guy problems…just like the old days ya know?

Let’s start with all the good stuff k?

I got up, I was happy, I got dressed, went to school, got on the bus and had three hours of cuddling and kissing and such. Damn good time I dare say. Made me happy. The Musem of Tolerance was…wow. That’s the only way I can put it. I mean, what people deal with. How they deal with it. It’s amazing. But it’s horrible. Our guide was a Holocaust survivor, her name was Gloria, and she told us her story. I’m sure I will never forget. The Holocaust was a horrible thing. It was just a massive slaughter of innocent people. There was no real reason behind it. We said we’d never do it again. That the world had put such things behind it. We lied. The same sort of thing still goes on. And we still let it. On the way home for the first hour or so I like half slept on Wyatt…Oh for a little while I had him in my arms insteada the other way around. ^^

Ok, so, something happened. I dunno what, and I dun really know when. I just know there was something. And it upset Wyatt damn bad. I didn’t really notice at first(shame-shame on me)I just kinda figured he was tired and didn’t want me layin’ on him anymore. So I snuggled with the freezing window and AC. Eventually I got frozen enough that I decided to see if Wyatt would let me cuddle with him, even though he’d pushed me off ‘n not said otherwise yet.

I dun remember if I asked him what was wrong first, or put my arms around him first. But either way…I didn’t get a positive reaction. He wouldn’t talk to me, and when I hugged him, he just gently unwrapped my arms from around him. It hurt. I mean maybe not that bad. But I felt rejected. He’s never made me feel that way before. I figured something had happened and it’d upset him, so I let him alone for a while longer.

We got pretty close to home before I talked to him again. He still didn’t wanna talk. I was gettin’ kinda worried ya know. Was it my fault? Had I done something? Had I said something? I don’t think  so. But I don’t know either. I didn’t know what was making him sad. And that made me sad. He was sad, and that made me sad. But what really got me, what actually hurt, was that he wouldn’t tell me. He wouldn’t talk to me. There was no false ‘I’m ok’ or ‘leave me alone’ or anything just silence and that look. He looked like he was gonna cry. And oh god I just couldn’t take it! It all made ME wanna cry. I mean what the hell was going on?

I was outta time, we got off the bus. Well not quite outta time, but close enough that I’d give up on him. So I sat and waited for my mom, quite damn near cryin’ myself(my headache only contributed to that) And that’s about when Wyatt decided to talk to me. He wanted to know what was bothering me. Normally, I’d be totally well ‘blah blah blah blah blah-blah blah’ you know? But I was kinda fed up. So I didn’t say anything. So he rubbed my back a little ‘n asked if I was ok(here’s where I cross one of the few lines I set for myself in life)I ignored him. I didn’t give in, I didn’t tell him it felt good to have his hands on me again, I didn’t ask him what was wrong. Oh, I might’ve. I did say something about that he might as well be askin’ himself what was wrong. But I’m not sure if he heard me or if he understood at all anyways. So he just walked away. I damn near cried then. But I didn’t let myself. I kinda felt like he ripped my heart out and walked away with it. It was that bad. And it wasn’t even really all that bad…

Well, I’ve been thinkin’ about callin’ him or something. But I’m not gonna. I’m gonna wait and see if he calls. I hope he calls. I really really hope he calls. But I feel like if I call I’m kind of pushing him. I mean he didn’t wanna talk to me on the bus, why would he wanna talk now?

My damn headache killed my train of thought. Look, I’m gonna go ok? I can’t talk about this anymore.

-Jessica lynn


One Response to “Musem of Tolerance”

  1. Crazyguy1292 said

    I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    it’s never your fault babe.
    he might as well be askin’ himself what was wrong, that kinda got me more fed up, sorry, i shoulda told you. o and, one more time
    I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I LOVE YOU!

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