Tomorrow’s Camp

July 7, 2007

No Wyatt today. I’ll live. Just so long as I get to talk to him. I mean, do you have any idea how hard it was not to call him all week???? It was like insane…

Sleep sucked last night. It took me forever to get to sleep, and once I did, I couldn’t STAY asleep!!! I kept waking up, and staying up…stupid sleepless night…And I woke up at about six am…I almost screamed, You think I wanted to be up then? No way. But anyhow, around seven I went back to sleep for two hours…And now here I am. My headache’s creepin’ back, and I’ve chores I’m avoiding…And I need to pack for camp tomorrow.

A Lonely September-Plain White T’s

I’m sittin’ here all by myself
just tryin’ to think of something to do
Tryin’ to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it’s not working out
’cause you’re all that’s on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

[Chorus]
Well I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back, but I know you did

I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to convince myself
that you’re not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don’t want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I’m on my own

[Chorus]
Well I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back

I know it’s not the smartest thing to do
we just can’t seem to get it right
But what I wouldn’t give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it’s not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won’t you take my hand
we’ve got nothing left to prove

[Chorus]
Well I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn’t mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn’t mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back but I know you did
Don’t say you didn’t love me back ’cause you know you did
No, you didn’t mean to love me back
But you did

I wonder If I’ll be Jordan for camp again?

Well….I’ve got things to do, I’ll talk to myself again later, bye.

-Jessica lynn

Finally…

July 6, 2007

I made it through the week, and I didn’t call Wyatt once. Props, for me, lol. So why aren’t I happy? Well, I am actually :D. But I’m kinda eh too. Cuz I haven’t gotten a hold of Wyatt all day, and tomorrow is my last day home, and Chris is leacin’, so it’ll be his first day free. I’m like OMG I’ve gotta see him!!!! lol. But if I can’t get a hold of him in the next half hour…The chance of me seein’ him is next to nothing…Not cool.

Anyways…I went to Garrett’s house today, not rock climbing. Because my arms were, and still are killing me, cuz I got 2 shots…and I’ve had a killer headache thanks to my stupid bonding…So we snagged some Jack in the Box and played video games for a few hours. Woot….I’m so tired tho…for reals…

ONE DAY TILL CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!

So, what’s gonna happen? Well, I’m seriously considering calling Wyatt…but at the same time think that might not be a good idea. So, prolly I’ll just hang on the pc hoping he’ll get on aim…not lookin’ probable…meaning-no Wyatt tomorrow. That’s just sad.

-Jessica lynn

Ouch…

July 5, 2007

Damn damn damn damn damn. that’s about all I’ve got to say..but, I’ll explain.

Damn#1-this morning I got dragged out of bed after 6 hours of sleep for a dentist appointment…They sanded my teeth down and built ’em back up god knows how many times, gave me at least six shots of novacain and the kept goin’. About 2 hours later when it wore off, they gave me a few more shots of it. And lemme tell ya, it hurt like hell. We had to leave half-way through the appointment, so I was only there about 3 and 1/2 hours…Then I went to my uniforn fitting for band.

Damn#2-I came home thinking I was gonna change my post from yesterday before Wyatt saw it..Well guess what, too late! He read at least enough of it to know I was in one helluva mood. I don’t know if he read all of it or not. But I know that he can’t be in a very good mood about it cuz he didn’t leave a very happy comment like he usually does. Usually his comments make me happy and I like to back ‘n read ’em when I’m not feelin so hot. This one just made me sad, and hurt. It made me feel mean…I shouldn’t’ve said that stuff…I REALLY wanna call him, and you know what, I prolly would if it weren’t for…

Damn#3-the novacain + the start of the pain make it so I can’t talk to well, or comfortably.

Damn#4-I get a shot today…the last of three, they hurt like hell, and I’m kinda scared. Haven’t I had enough needles in me today?

Damn#5-I’m supposed to go to Solid Rock with Garrett tomorrow…and all I’ve been think of is ways to get out of it. Why? I don’t know. If it were Vertical Hold I would be there in a  heartbeat…but Solid Rock…? Man I dunno. I’ve been in a bitchy mood, I hurt all over right now, and JUST Garrett might be kinda weird…I dunno, I just don’t wanna go for some reason. Chances are, if nothing changes, I might back out. I tried last night, tellin’ him I thought he wouldn’t wanna deal with me while I was so bitchy, he said he didn’t care….I’m still pretty eh about the whole thing…What am I gonna do?

I really need to talk to Wyatt…going from talking to him all the time to not at all really fucked me up. It’s not anybody’s fault. I just….I don’t know….I really fucked this up huh?

Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet-Relient K

I think you know what I’m getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forgetand even though I’m angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can’t believe this happenedAnd all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for not
No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you
No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don’t you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn’t turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn’t budge
I tried to hold your hand but you’d rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I’m getting at
you said goodbye and I just don’t want you regretting that

No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you
No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you

And wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can’t believe this happened
and one day we’ll see this come around)
[x2]

No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you
No, I don’t hate you
don’t want to fight you
know I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t like you
cause you took this too far

What happened to us
I heard that it’s me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn’t you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don’t hate you
and know that I don’t want to fight you
and know that I’ll always love you
but right now I just don’t…

I wonder if he’s gonna read this after what he saw yesterday…

-Jessica lynn

woot…I care WHY?

I should be in a realitivly good mood right now…but I’m not. Is that surprising? RAWR. I just wanna scream, or hit something, or someone, or just…aw fuck, I can’t find a good way to end that thought. Oh well, another time.

But really WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!! MY period is over, but I’ve still got mood swings, I remembered something I already knew, only this time it made me depressed. Wyatt can’t call, or just doesn’t want to, I don’t know which, right now I don’t really care either. I should know better, but who gives a fuck?

I don’t even know what’s going on, today should’ve been great! I had ribs, twice, I saw Alex, I’m gonna go rock climbing, I’m going to camp! AND I DON’T EVEN CARE!

I’ve gone insane, I know you don’t care, so don’t even start. I hate it, I hate myself, I hate just about everyone right now. No, strike that I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL. Yeah that’s right Wyatt, I hate you. You haven’t even NOTICED how the hell I’ve been feeling these past few days, and you know what? It made me feel like shit. Now maybe that’s not your fault, maybe it is. Maybe I have no right to blame you for it. Maybe I don’t care.

Maybe I’m having a mental breakdown. What the fuck am I doing? Yeah sure there’s a lot of people I hate, and only a small handful that I love..but, I don’t hate everyone!!! Oh and by the way, babe, I do love ya….It’s just right now…I dunno what the fuck about right now…but just don’t take this to damn serious ok?

Oh holy fuck…what am I doing? What am I saying…but damn, I feel a helluva lot better…and so tired…hmm I wonder if Wyatt will read this far after he sees I supposedly hate him…I hope so…I’d delete it, but it’s be kinda obvious..and I already deleted a section this week, about boxers. I mean…stuff.

I still feel like shit. But at least I’m not an angry shit anymore. And Wyatt, this really isn’t your fault…you know if you read this, I just..needed someone to be mad at. And David, quit being so apathetic, your life doesn’t suck anywhere near even half as much as you think it does. And yeah, that’s right, I know. Been there done that.

-Jessica lynn

Well, I’ll pretend

July 3, 2007

that it’s tomorrow. I mean, I know it’s still the second, and that I already wrote a post today, but who really cares?

So…Wyatt’s friend Chris came out from Arizona and is gonna spend something like a week with him. I do know exactly how long it is, but really who cares about specifics? And ok, yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m jealous. It’s low, and pathetic, but true. I know Wyatt’s not gonna really have time for me this week. So I’m gonna try not to talk to him too much, and I’m not gonna call him at all…well, unless there’s like an emergency, yeah, as if. So chances are, if I’m a good girl and don’t be a bitchy attention hog, I won’t get to talk to Wyatt at all this week…Earlier, knowing I wouldn’t see him at all was kind of relieving, because I didn’t have to worry about if I was free, or if he was free, or whether or not I could see him this week. The answer’s just no. But now…I feel edgy already, I don’t have anything to do! Every minute is being spent waiting for the next to come. If I’m like this all week….I dunno. It’ll be rough. Prolly, I won’t though. I’ll get over myself, let Wyatt have a good time with his friend, and then go to camp…assuming I’m signed up for camp. If I’m not the world might end.

I also realize that with Chris here, Wyatt’s not likely to read any of this until the end-ish of the week. So I might as well be talking to myself…That’s what I was doing before. Actually, that’s what I’ve always been doing. But it is nice to have an audiance. Someone to listen, and care…especially when I care about the person that cares about me, that makes me real happy. You can’t always get what you want…*sigh* I know

ok, my rant on life has ended….maybe later I’ll have the engery to pick it up again. I’ma go stare at the phone until 9 and see if it rings. Then I’ll try n get some sleep.

-Jessica lynn

A Day of Nothing

July 3, 2007

I’m just sittin’ here.

Wyatt and Chris are at Seaworld. My sis is doing chores. And I’m just sitting here. I skipped breakfast, and had a bagel for lunch. That’s not so good maybe. But I’m pretty apathetic at the moment. there’s nothing new…So I’m gonna shut-up now.

-Jessica lynn

Mmm, Monday…

July 2, 2007

AJ’s leavin’ today.

So I get my room back ^.^ but that means I gotta make my bed again T_T ah well, I’ll survive. lol, I’d better 😉

Anyhow. Not that much new, I talked to Wyatt yesterday, it was like a miracle, there was like no silence. We had stuff to talk about for like 40-some minutes. It made me pretty darn happy. Actually, I’m pretty happy right now, sittin’ here at my pc with a bag of Hugs that seems like it’s never gonna run out ^^ what could be better?*coughwyattcough* Well…gotta be happy with what you can get, right?

My acne is bein’ a bitch. My face is lookin’ a li’l better, but my back and chest and kinda my shoulders too, have just gone to hell. And it kinda itches….stupid sports bra….*sigh* I want my period to be over, so the excess hormones go away so I can make my acne go away too. Other than that I’m feelin’ pretty good.

I need to play my flute and my guitar some…but whatever. There’s lots of stuff I need to do. But most of it can wait.

I totally cut something out here, like right now….I had a whole friggin’ paragraph…but I think I’ll just tell someone about it on the phone…but if someone actually read it…a little too weird maybe? I think so. 

Anywho…who’s up for some lyrics and blogthings? I am!!!

Majoring in Minors-Sugarcult

Watching your lips move together
Nothing’s making sense
Talk to me
Talk to me
I don’t want to break the silence with the taste of something violent
Come to me
Come to me
I don’t believe the lies
Read in between the lines
I don’t belong here any longer
I’ll be gone this time
Watching every move you make
I hope you slip
I hope this fades away
Fades away
I get closer with the silent treatment
when it hurts to need it
when it’s hard to leave it
Come to me
Come to me

I don’t believe the lies
Read in between the lines
I don’t belong here any longer
I’ll be gone this time
I don’t believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don’t belong here any longer
I’ll be gone this time

I’m letting go
I’m letting go
I’m letting go
God only knows it’s getting harder everyday

I don’t believe the lies
Read in between the lines
I don’t belong here any longer
I’ll be gone this time
I don’t believe the lies
This is the last goodbye
I don’t belong here any longer
I’ll be gone this time

Watching your lips move together
Nothing’s making sense
Talk to me

Ok, so now for someblogthings!

 

You’re Not a Maneater
You like men, and you respect whoever you happen to be with.
Whether it’s a fling or a boyfriend, you try to be honest and upstanding.
Of course, you’ve probably broken a few hearts in your time.
The difference with you is that you didn’t mean to!

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouamaneaterquiz/

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer
“We saved the world. I say we have to party

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroineareyouquiz/

“We saved the world. I say we have to party” roflmao TOTALLY!

The True You
You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be together with you always, no matter when or where.With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.

You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others’ feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you make opportunities to interact with many people through club activities or a hobby, then select someone you like.

http://www.blogthings.com/whosthetrueyouquiz/

You Are 77% Non Conformist
You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.
And while some may call you a freak, you’re happy with who you are.

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouanonconformistquiz/

How many of these things am I gonna do? For reals, I think they’re just a space filler…I mean it’s what I’m doing right now, and since there’s no one to talk to, I just throw all my answers in here…

You Are a Tiny Tease
You like to flirt and show off your body, but what confident woman doesn’t.
You enjoy male attention, and you’re usually pretty good at not leading men on.
However, there are times when you get carried away with your sexy behavior.
It’s okay to use your amazing flirting powers for good – but never for evil!

http://www.blogthings.com/domenthinkyoureateasequiz/

Psh, yeah right!

You Are a Good Student of Men
You’re pretty good at knowing what men are thinking
But you’re not dead on 100% of the time
Let your guy off the hook sometimes… because you may be reading him all wrong!

http://www.blogthings.com/howwelldoyouunderstandmenquiz/

The PJ’s You Are Most Like: His Shirt
You’re a loyal and caring girlfriend who can’t get enough of her man
So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7
And when he’s gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

 http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofpjsgirlareyouquiz/

That is SO me…hehe, and you just know it.

My fav. color…

What Your Favorite Color Blue Says About You:
Emotional — Affected — Sensitive
Peaceful — Tranquil — Connected
Spiritual — Experimental — Deep

What Wyatt says my fav. color is…

What Your Favorite Color Orange Says About You:
Joyful — Enthusiastic — Optimistic
Outgoing — Accepting — Confident
Loud — Unruly — Impulsive

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourfavoritecolorsayaboutyouquiz/

I think they’re both right…

You Are Very Skeptical
Your personal motto is: “Prove it.”
While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice…
You aren’t going to believe them simply because it feels good.
You let science and facts be your guide… Even if it means you don’t share the beliefs of those around you.

http://www.blogthings.com/howskepticalareyouquiz/

Men See You As Playful
Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate
You know how to push men’s buttons and attract a wide range of guys
You enjoy living and loving – it’s one of your most attractive qualities
Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

http://www.blogthings.com/howdomenseeyouquiz/

Yay for playful!

 

Your Life is Rated R
Your life is definitely adults only. While children accompanied by parents are welcome, they’ll probably be scarred for life.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourliferatedquiz/

Well…I guess it’s not THAT far off….lol

You Should Own a Husky
Athletic, free-spirited, and perfect for cuddling

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofdogshouldyouhavequiz/

Yupperz, that’s me.

You Are More Like Angelina Jolie
Bad girl with a heart of gold.
You are smart, sexy, and strong willed.
You aren’t against stealing another girl’s man…
If he’s better off with you!

http://www.blogthings.com/areyoumorelikejenniferorangelinaquiz/

Well…..I guess that’s enough for today, don’t you?

-Jessica lynn

Sugarcult

July 1, 2007

is like a miricle of the world…I love ’em.

So, I went to the musem, not alone, but with David. Wyatt was jealous(I know you were/are, don’t even try to tell me otherwise) it was fun…I still felt bad it wasn’t Wyatt. Not because I didn’t have fun with David or anything…but I haven’t seen him yet, and I know he was jealous….I haven’t talked to him yet, that’s actually number one on the my list of things to do right now. But considering he was up at like 5 this morning…I didn’t know if he was up yet or not. 12 hours should be enough…right? hehe, dunno. I almost called him at 4 yesterday. I woke up, thought of Wyatt, looked at the clock, then the phone, and then passed out again >_< sorry babe, so close yet so far.

So yeah, today, woke up, showered, picked up John and David, and went to the museum, and then the Fleet Center, and then Anthony’s. The took the guys home. It took from 10-4 to do that o.O wow huh? Yeah.

Otherwise, nothin new.

-Jessica lynn