Guess what…

August 21, 2007

I didn’t get a fucking spot in the fucking show. Go, me.

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This Is All We Got Now

August 20, 2007

Rooftops-Lostprophets

When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say we’ve had our fun?

Will we make a mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out.

All the love I’ve met
I have no regrets
If it all ends now, I’m set

Will we make a mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your heart out.

[x2]
Standing on the rooftops
(Wait until the bombs drop)
This is all we got now
(Scream until your heart stops)
Never gonna regret
(Watching every sunset)
We’ll listen to your heartbeat
(All the love that we found)

Scream your heart out [x3]
Scream your

Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
Standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out.
This is all we got now
Everybody scream your

The Lostprophets are…wow. The best man. Gotta love em. Anyways….today sucked mostly.

I got sorta sick the last bit of band camp, so I went to just sit down for 15 mintues and ended up sleeping for around 60. oops. And we also didn’t get our drill, or get to find out who’s got spots in the show. Bummer.

And then at soccer, some bitch*she was bitchy* showed up and took my spot. And coach has been telling me every practice he doesn’t even play with a stopper!!!! Lies!!!!! ROAR. I could just kill them both. And when I asked if we could switch off, play 50/50 the coach said NO. What. The. Fuck.? Totally not cool. She doesn’t even play the position very well! Hell, she doesn’t even LIKE it!*however she definately liked me not being happy about it* bitch. And my parents, first they told me I was a mid-fielder/defender…I’ve been playing stopper for over a year…news-flash for them. They said they’d never even heard of the position. And that I was over-reacting. Well SORRY. Soccer is damn important to me thank-you very much. It’s my anger-management, my hobby, my time to get away from life. And you know what, I don’t think I’m over-reacting. I didn’t hurt anyone, I didn’t bitch to them about it. I just let it go as far as my coach and little  Jodi were concerned.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget, or that I’m gonna quit asking for my position. I also got turned down from joining the GU19 team, just because coach thinks since I’m in band I’ll miss too many games since I’ll be at tournaments. Does this guy have it in for me or something???

I’m either gonna watch a movie or try and get a hold of the guy who never answers the phone…aka my boyfriend, Wyatt(yes, he still exists, and he’s still my boyfriend)in the end I’ll prolly call Wyatt, have him not answer, and then go watch the movie.

Ciao

-Jessica lynn

I’ve Become so Numb

August 19, 2007

Numb-Linkin Park

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t kn
ow what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’m tired of being what you want me to be

I really, really like that song. Ok, so yeah, I’m talking to Wyatt on aim, i still don’t have a locker buddy, and tomorrow I’ve got band camp and soccer practice. And now he’s gone. So I’m just on the pc talkin’ to myself. Nothing new here.

We find out who gets spots in the show and who’s a shadow tomorrow. So basically, I find out if I’m a hero or dead meat in my own house. Oh goody. I really need to work on the runs and such in my music.

I’ve got German with Garrett, Sammi, and Tyler(the guy) so I figure so far, since I know more people in that class than any other that it’ll be my favorite. And that I know the least number of people (o) in math, it’ll be the worst. Band, of course, does not count because I already know more people in it than there are people in some of my classes.

Well, time for laundry, food, and 16th notes.

-Jessica lynn

Post 150!

August 18, 2007

Das right, post number 150. I finally made it.

No that doesn’t mean it’s over….it just means it keeps going! lolz. Sorry if you dun want it too.

Anyways, I’ve decided that with band-camp and all, I needed a band catagory…So here it is! Yay!

We had the 2 hour seminar thingy today. Fun fun fun. No sarcasm there today. 🙂 I’m playin’ Neopets and listenin’ to music. Yeah, life could be better, but you know, hey…what am I gonna do about it? I haven’t been able to get a hold of Wyatt for a day or so…but I’ll live, a few more hours won’t be the end of the world.

I really need to learn my music…Correction, perfect, and memorize my music. I can hardly play it when it’s right in front of my face! NOT COOL!

Anywho, Alex came back from New York. (yay Alex) I got to hold hands with her and some random trumpet player(Bryan, or Ryan or something like that), a frosh like me. It was funny, after we won I was all like ‘Yat! I dun know you but I’ma hug you anyways!!!’ he was all ‘o….k….’ >_< go akward moments! lolz.(I hugged Alex first in case you no know that already)

Last Train Home… I looooove this song! .*dances*. lol Can you not see my dancing skillz? You can not? I see….perhaps they do not exist…. 😛

Well….I’m outta topics for the moment…Cya!

-Jessica lynn

Band Camp…

August 15, 2007

is draining me of all energy.

No more talkie…need to practice music… T_T

-Jess

I’m Going Post Crazy :D

August 11, 2007

In the Middle-Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head
You feel left out or
Looked down on
Just try your best
Try everything you can
And don’t you worry
What they tell themselves
When you’re away

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle
Of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

Hey, you know
They’re all the same
You know you’re doing
Better on your own
So don’t buy in
Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn’t matter
If it’s good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

Whoa..

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head
You feel left out or
Looked down on
Just do your best
Do everything you can
And don’t you worry
What the bitter hearts
Are gonna say

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right, all right

It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in
The middle of the ride
Everything, Everything will be just fine.
Everything, Everything will be all right.

Ok, old theme, old pic, better mood, talkin’ to Wyatt. Lookin’ up people, lookin’ up. So many posts…I must be insane. Ah well, what else is new?

I don’t think I’ll see Wyatt before school starts. Oh well…I can see him after school starts just as easily, right? I mean, it’s not like a few more days are going to kill me. Besides, there’s got to be something I can do other than sit around waiting for him to be free. I’ve got soccer, the gym(potentially), Alex, Sam, Nicole, anyone, everyone. And really, I need to get out more. I don’t wanna be like me sis. All she’s got is John and no one else, and when they fight, she just has a mental breakdown, because she’s got nobody to talk to about it. And if she’s not going out with him, she’s not going out. I will not not have a life just becuase I have a boyfriend. Maybe I decided this a bit late in that summer…yes? But at least I finally did decide it. >_<

 Yup, well…I need food and a shower.

-Jessica lynn

Oh wow

August 11, 2007

What’s gotten into me?

I must say I haven’t really been much of myself lately. Not that that’s an excuse for anything I’ve said or done but… I dunno.

What I said, about Wyatt and me, not really being together anymore and all that crap. That’s just what it was, crap. I don’t want it to be true. And I don’t think it is either. I still want to be with him as much as I always have. The truth is, I’ve just been blaming him, and my lack of seeing my and such for all the problems I’ve been having that have nothing to do with him. Retarded I know..but I haven’t felt like facing the facts.

Things like camp, and youtube(Code Lyoko movies!!!!!! :P) let me forget what’s going on in my life, and when I type here, I can either face the facts, or create a fantasy world. And usually, the truth is a lot easier to face than I make it seem, I’m just to scared to realize it.

Anyhow, enough wallowing in my own mistakes. Time to tell you what I’ve been up to lately.

I need to change my WP look…AGAIN. Because it is WAY too emo for me right now. Just looking at it makes me sad!(insane much?) I’ve been watching all the Code Lyoko episodes I can find. They rock, for really reals. You should watch.

Anyways…I’m outta crud to type. I’ll talk to myself some later.

-Jessica lynn

Haiku

August 8, 2007

Haiku-Tally Hall

I have been trying
To write a haiku for you
Some things I just can’t do

Maybe you’re beyond
Ancient asian poetry
Or maybe it’s just me

I have been trying
To get this haiku just right all night
For you; alright I’m through

Maybe this poem
Was lost in the sauce we spilled
That never got refilled

I’ve never thought much
Of formulaic verse anyway
And rhymes are not my forte

I have been trying
To get this haiku just right all night
For you; alright I’m through

I’m trying not to try too hard
But you’re hard to write down right
So I pen these tried attempts
At haikus for you tonight

Lah dah dee diddum
Lah dah dee doom doo ditto
Dum doo lah dee doh

There, that’s sufficient
I wrote a haiku for you
Well I tried at least, and that’s not so bad
I’m working here; can that be said for you

I’m trying not to try too hard
But you’re hard to write down right
So I pen these tried attempts
At haikus for you tonight

Words don’t work like Webster says
They trip me up all night
I’m just trying to write for you
But you’re hard to write down right

Well, Green Valley again today. It’ll be weird bein there without counselors. Without camp. But hey, what can you do?

I feel kinda bad about all the stuff I’ve been writing. But life’s been kind of hellish. I’m kind fallin apart. Happens every now and then ya know? It’s just a part of life.

Look, I’ve gotta go. Shower, pack etc. I’ll write in my li’l black book that I kinda regret havin’. Love you Wyatt. cya people.

-Jordan

Guess I better get going, guess I better move along now, find my own way.

Bessa-Tilly and the Wall

Morning came and I tried not to notice.
It was time for you to move along.
And The minutes fell like petals all around us,
Like a goodbye kiss when goodbye felt so wrong.
So you better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.
These few days I have decided to be lazy.
They don’t move or seem to end at all,
And my heart it is close enough to breaking
That it hurts just listening to your songs.

So you better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.
Yeah,
You better get going,
You better move along now,
You better run off then and make yourself scarce.

It’s been while now since you left,
And I can’t seem to shake this lonely mood.
When the time comes, I’ll try my best not to tell you:
Please don’t leave again. Please, don’t leave again.
I guess I’ll say it now then.
Please don’t leave me again.

Since it’s all I have I want to go to sleep,
And dream of you and me just off the coast.
On a holiday so long and warm and lucky,
Always wake up in my bedroom all alone.

Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better run along now, and find my own way.
Yeah,
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.
Guess I better wake up then,
Guess I better get going,
Guess I better move on now, and find my own way.

You know what finally hit me, about 24 hours late, but at least I realised it. Dunno if he has yet though. Lemme backtrack and help you out some here.

Wyatt told me once I was the only girl he would ever like, and that if there was no me, there wouldn’t be another girl. Well, something along those lines, you can’t expact me to remember everything word-for-word. But anyways, now he should know that there’s other girls, that he’ll like, that’ll like him back…girls that aren’t me. I knew it would happen sooner or later, but god, I was really hoping it’d be later rather than sooner.

Well, at least I had those six months. It’s more than I could’ve ever really hoped for. Or at least, more than I should’ve ever hoped for. I’ll go back to life, happier in general, but a little sader, on the inside. I just wish…I could’ve seen him before school started back up. Because god knows he’ll meet someone that catches his eye there, and she won’t be able to resist.

Yeah, I know I’m acting pretty damn pessimistic, like it’s already over. But…I can’t really help it. Even if it’s not Chelsea, there’s other people. Other girls. And you, some of ’em are better than me. And there’s not a damned thing I can about it. Unless you count fighting like mad and making his life hell. Or I can be a good girlfriend, accept life, and let him go. Which is what’s going to happen. Sooner or later. Sooner than I’d like.

Maybe, things will look better in the morning, that’s what I told myself last night you know. And…well, I’ll just keep thinking that, telling myself that, until I’ve got to face whatever the truth is. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with living a lie if you don’t know the truth, right?

-Jessica lynn

Sometime, I’m gonna work on being Jordan, permanently. She’s a better person than the girl I pretend to be the rest of the year.

Oh God

August 7, 2007

Do I have problems or what?

I’m just going to express a few key problems in life right now, and then I’m gonna go mail my letters to Greenly, Chewbaka, StarDust and whoever else I’ve felt like writing to since I got home.

Anyways. Non camp related.

I feel like I’m not really connected to Wyatt anymore. At all. I hate it. Loathe it. And I’m scared of it too. And I think maybe that’s the worst of it. I know this is only his second day back from camp. But already things are different. He doesn’t say ‘I love you’ unless I do first, there’s other things too probably, but I can’t of more right now. It hurts, because this is what I was scared of. Drifting apart. It’s not like either of us really want it, but we can’t help it either. I know he wants to see me…but inspite of what I know, it feels like he doesn’t want to see me anymore, just because he can’t. I know that’s unfair to him. But it’s unfair to me too.

You Found Me-Kelly Clarkson

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don’t wake me from this high
I’ve become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it’s like
When everything’s right
I can’t believe
You found me
When no one else was lookin’
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn’t leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me
So, here we are
That’s pretty far
When you think of where we’ve been
No going back
I’m fading out
All that has faded me within
You’re by my side
Now everything’s fine
I can’t believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin’
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn’t leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
‘Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
When no one else was lookin’
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin’
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn’t leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

(You found me)
(When no one else was lookin’)
You found me
(How did you know just where I would be?)
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn’t leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad
And the things in between
You found me
You found me

Well…that was then, this is now. And now is different. We’re not really together anymore are we?

-Jessica lynn