Wyatt, baby, read the lyrics for once. 

Whole Again-Atomic Kitten 

If you see me walking down the street
Staring at the sky and dragging my two feet
You just pass me by
You don’t miss me cry
But you could make me whole again
And if you see me with another man
Laughing and joking, making the best of this I can
I’m trying to put you down
Baby I still want you around
Cause you can make me whole again

Looking back on when we first met
Can’t escape and I cannot forget baby you’re the one
You still turn me on
You can make me whole again

Time is laying heavy on my heart
Seems I’ve got too much of it since we’ve been apart
My friends make me smile if only for a short while
But you can make me whole again

For now I have to wait
But baby if you change your mind
Don’t be too late, cause I just can’t go on
It’s already been too long
But you could make me whole again

Yeah maybe they’re not that special, but maybe they’ll make you feel a little more special. I’ve been kinda quiet lately, haven’t been posting or calling really. Sorry.  Just been busy. You know how it gets.

I’ve become a World of Warcraft (WoW) addict. So the world has basically ended…lol, not really. But a girl that’s addicted to WoW?

And South Park…ok yeah, I’m IMing ppl, so…later k?

-Jessica lynn

ARCADIA!!!!

November 18, 2007

is over…and we didn win. Big surprise…But we DID sweep music! Go us! So at least we can rub THAT in RB’s face, lol jk.

And omg, the bus ride up? AWESOME!! Lol, and I did get some sleep too. But I mean for reals, Blake is a damn good pillow. He no fidget. lolz. But he shoulda let me keep his sweatshirt :/ I was soooo cold. I actually got to the point where my teeth were chattering before I got on the bus T_T *sniffles* but is ok. I forgive. But seriously, next chance I get, is mine. lolz. Mah granparents are here. So I can’t really talk too much, but you will detials, promise! But later. Maybe much later. ok?

Byes!

-Jessica lynn

I just got myself a new boyfriend. Read the post before this. It explains just about everything except for how it happened. (what is it with me and trumpet players?) Night….again

-Jessica lynn

Oh my god…

November 11, 2007

Either I’m way too damn lonely, or desperate of fucked up. Prolly the last one.

Remember how the other week I ended up sleeping on this one guy,  Blake? Kinda cute, kinda tall, really blue-eyed…you get the picture, and prolly where I’m going with this too.

Well yeah, so yesterday, Vista tourny, busses. Guess who asked (and had) as a pillow. (Blake, for those of you who have no guessing skills) And, as I said at the beginning, there’s clearly something wrong with me. Because what I did/the way I acted is not something you do with someone you don’t really know! Yeah, I know that sounds a little wrong, it wasn’t supposed to.

Anyways, so he was my cuddle buddy, I didn’t really get much sleep at all. It actually reminded me of the bus ride to Disneyland last year (8th grade) I planned to sleep on a guy on the way up. I end up jus bein half asleep and mostly cuddling. Typical. And kind of sluttly. At least this isn’y common for me. Just Wyatt, Blake, and Tyler. Actually, I didn’t cuddle with Ty at all….and I actually slept like the whole way. So maybe that dun count? So just Wyatt and Blake. But yeah, this time was different. He didn’t have his arms around me, which I was actually kinda hoping for. But that didn work so great.

Anyways, so what actually happened is I, like always, couldn’t just be happy with just being next to him. So, I slipped my arm inbetween his arm and his side….god I used to do that soo much…and I kinda like hugged his arm….it’s not as awkward as it sounds I swear. He was warm, and didn mind my cuddling….I think. We listened to my music. Not that that has anything to do with anything. So what happened then is I wanted to hold his hand….and I was just like dude. NO. Don’t do it. Down girl….down. You know? But of course I can only listen to my concious for so long. So I chanced whatever I may or may not have (or am quite possibly imagining) with Blake and just took his hand. I mean come on, hand holding isn’t some huge thing….it just kinda feels that way sometimes… >_< And yeah…so I did the whole thing with the cuddling and holding one of his hands in both on mine, with my head on his shoulder and his head on mine. Both of us kinda pertending to be asleep, but not. And that’s about where the bus ride there got me.

Then we had the tourny, took like third or whatever etc. etc. etc.

Bus ride home. I just decided the hell with the pretenses, I’m pickin up right where I left off. So I just curled up right next to Blake, slipped my arm around his and took his hand. Oh, and I was wearing his sweatshirt. Nice and fuzzy and warm. And it smelled like him. But yeah, so then I put the hand that wasn’t holding his hand, on his other hand (I swear it makes sense) which was on his thigh. And somehow, (I really don;t know, it was like 11 at night, I am not responsible) my hand ended up on his thigh with his hand ontop of mine by the end of the bus ride. However, I am responsible for kissing him on the cheek. It just felt right. I dunno. Maybe that was going too far. Too much for one night I think. And I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. So I don’t know if he thinks I went to far. Or what he thinks about any of this. Or what I think about his for that matter. But hell, I do know that this is a fine mess I’ve gotten myself into.

So….now I’m going to try and call Blake one last time, before I go back to bed.

Tomorrow is day one of soccer tryouts. I also have a band rehersal.

Night you guys.

-Jessica lynn

After Mira Mesa Tourny

November 4, 2007

Before you even ask, we didn win, or even get second. We gots third. And I got forgotten by my secret pal. But oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

I’m goin pretty psycho right now. But I guess it’s time to type about it because it didn go away overnight like it usually does…it got worse. 0.0 Somehow, I think that’s a bad thing….

So yeah, yesterday I knew that Westview would be there, and I knew that one way or another I was gonna find Wyatt or Michael *preferably both*  But how it happened was just so weird. *sigh*

I’d been thinking about how I was gonna find them, if I was really gonna find them, etc. etc, etc. When RB finished their show, and it was time for MC to go and put our street clothes back on. I stood up, turned, and there he was. Sitting behind me wearing an MC jacket. I thought I was hallucenating at first I swear. It was just too easy. That and I was in shcok. All I said was hi. And then I was gone. I changed and got back to the field faster than some people got off the field.

I got back, and I sat with him. But really, all I did was sit there and listen to him and this girl Nikki talk. (she’s the one who’s jacket he was wearing) So really all I got to do was see him, and hug him like twice. Go me. It sucks. I can’t find a good enough reason not to like him to actually quit liking him. But I can’t really do anything about liking him. God, I just wanna let it go but I can’t!!!!

Problem number one-he goes to Westview, if I ever got anywhere with him I’d almost never see him.

Problem number two-I’ve only seen him twice. I hardly know the guy, I know Robert better than I know him!

Problem number three-He likes somebody, who isn’t me.

I really just don’t think he likes me. I mean why would he? It’s not like he knows me or anything. There’s too many complications…if he wasn’t so damn hott it wouldn’t be so hard. I mean it’s not like I’ve met anybody hott before or anything, but it’s just like a combination of well….everything. It’s just wow. Like seriously. I can’t explain and I’m just being pathetic trying. But I can’t think straight or antything. It sucks. I hate it. I love it. Why do I meet people like that!? And why do I have to obsess over them when I do? Why do I always (well not always, but most of the time) end up meeting the wrong people? If I hadn’t met Michael, or if I knew I’d never see him again, or if I hadn’t gotten his number. This would all be so different. And probably easier too. Just thinking about him gives me butterflies in my stomache! I hate this. He shouldn’t have this big of an effect on me. I shouldn’t care so much. And I could go on and on about what I shouldn’t but that’s not gonna help me any. RAWR.

And come on, we can’t forget Wyatt in this mess!

He’s been on my mind too. But not so much actually…I think maybe, sadly, I really am kinda sorta moving on. I mean, yeah, for like the tenth time, he’s still my friend. But he’s made it pretty clear I don’t get another chance with him until next year. And he’s right. We both need to try and meet other people. Because I mean let’s face it, there are other peoplem, and one of them just might be better than him. But how the hell am I gonna know if I never give the guiy a half a chance. That what happened with Wyatt isn’t it? I wouldn’t give him a chance, so I never knew how great he was until we were almost out of time. Maybe das a li’l exaggerated. But you get the point.

And guess what, I didn’t just have Wyatt n Michael in my head but Robert too.  Is problematic yes?

Robert’s actually a lot like Wyatt…he’s tall, he’s funny, he’s kind of a loner, his hair is right at that length where everytime I see him I’ve gotta tell myself not to play with it and end up playing with it anyways. And he’s always trying to tell me that everything’s ok. Why he’s not like Wyatt? He’s got brown hair, brown eyes, he’s Austrailian *awesome much?* he plays clarinet, he’s pretty talkative…well, once you get him talking. And right now the most logical thing to do is the hardest thing to accept, in anyway shape or form. Robert goes to MC, but he’s a sophmore. He can be really sweet, but sometimes he teases me too much. Usually he doesn’t wanna give me hug, but sometimes he gives me one anyways. *If you don’t understan, I’m listing pros and cons of Robert* For some reason people have been trying to tell me that him being a sophmore doesn matter…I don’t know what to think of that. Right now I’m still half in denial about liking him at all.

On Friday-the football game, I was really hoping it’d be more like most of the other football games. Alex n, me giving each other massages, and then at some generally he’d come over and talk, or bug us for a massage or whatever. First problem, Alex wasn’t there. After that, the rest just kinda fell apart. I couldn’t get him to come talk to me. In the end I massaged Audry while I talked to Andy. After the football game, after I had my street clothes on, while I was waiting for my sister to say goodbye to John so I could leave I saw Robert. I asked him for a hug. He said no, just like he does about 50% of the time I ask. (so confusing) I didn’t feel like bugging him cuz I was tired so I let it go. I walked with him to parking lot. Decided if I hadn’t a hug by then, I wasn’t getting one. So I turned and walked back ya know? Dunno why, but he came back. He was on the phone. Stood there for a while, then turned and left again. But he stopped, turned around and told me I could have a hug if I really wanted one. Now don’t get me wrong, I was happy and I hugged him. But why would he do that? And why did it make me so happy? He shouldn’t make me that happy.

Ok. My guts have now been spilled. When I have more I’ll tell you.

-Jessica lynn