Oh my god…

November 11, 2007

Either I’m way too damn lonely, or desperate of fucked up. Prolly the last one.

Remember how the other week I ended up sleeping on this one guy,  Blake? Kinda cute, kinda tall, really blue-eyed…you get the picture, and prolly where I’m going with this too.

Well yeah, so yesterday, Vista tourny, busses. Guess who asked (and had) as a pillow. (Blake, for those of you who have no guessing skills) And, as I said at the beginning, there’s clearly something wrong with me. Because what I did/the way I acted is not something you do with someone you don’t really know! Yeah, I know that sounds a little wrong, it wasn’t supposed to.

Anyways, so he was my cuddle buddy, I didn’t really get much sleep at all. It actually reminded me of the bus ride to Disneyland last year (8th grade) I planned to sleep on a guy on the way up. I end up jus bein half asleep and mostly cuddling. Typical. And kind of sluttly. At least this isn’y common for me. Just Wyatt, Blake, and Tyler. Actually, I didn’t cuddle with Ty at all….and I actually slept like the whole way. So maybe that dun count? So just Wyatt and Blake. But yeah, this time was different. He didn’t have his arms around me, which I was actually kinda hoping for. But that didn work so great.

Anyways, so what actually happened is I, like always, couldn’t just be happy with just being next to him. So, I slipped my arm inbetween his arm and his side….god I used to do that soo much…and I kinda like hugged his arm….it’s not as awkward as it sounds I swear. He was warm, and didn mind my cuddling….I think. We listened to my music. Not that that has anything to do with anything. So what happened then is I wanted to hold his hand….and I was just like dude. NO. Don’t do it. Down girl….down. You know? But of course I can only listen to my concious for so long. So I chanced whatever I may or may not have (or am quite possibly imagining) with Blake and just took his hand. I mean come on, hand holding isn’t some huge thing….it just kinda feels that way sometimes… >_< And yeah…so I did the whole thing with the cuddling and holding one of his hands in both on mine, with my head on his shoulder and his head on mine. Both of us kinda pertending to be asleep, but not. And that’s about where the bus ride there got me.

Then we had the tourny, took like third or whatever etc. etc. etc.

Bus ride home. I just decided the hell with the pretenses, I’m pickin up right where I left off. So I just curled up right next to Blake, slipped my arm around his and took his hand. Oh, and I was wearing his sweatshirt. Nice and fuzzy and warm. And it smelled like him. But yeah, so then I put the hand that wasn’t holding his hand, on his other hand (I swear it makes sense) which was on his thigh. And somehow, (I really don;t know, it was like 11 at night, I am not responsible) my hand ended up on his thigh with his hand ontop of mine by the end of the bus ride. However, I am responsible for kissing him on the cheek. It just felt right. I dunno. Maybe that was going too far. Too much for one night I think. And I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. So I don’t know if he thinks I went to far. Or what he thinks about any of this. Or what I think about his for that matter. But hell, I do know that this is a fine mess I’ve gotten myself into.

So….now I’m going to try and call Blake one last time, before I go back to bed.

Tomorrow is day one of soccer tryouts. I also have a band rehersal.

Night you guys.

-Jessica lynn

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