January 10, 2008

are pain from hell. Kinda like a riderless black horse set lose in your head…pounding.

I need a hug.

And better medication. Becuase yeah the Naproxyn kills the cramps…my migrains. Holy fuck the migrains.

I had a bad one today. I’m quitting track because I’m so scared of the mirgrains. Running gives me migrains…or makes em worse….so im kinda avoiding running these days. How am I gonna stay in shape? I’ll worry bout that later.

Biggest problem is it hurts. Like daggers behind my eyes. On like my head’s in a vice and somebody just keeps tightening it, a little at a time(or a lot). Just this fucking throbbing. And light, holy fuck, light. It hurts, it’s like ice picks in my eyes, stabbing my brain. It’s bad. And smells, and sounds. It just hurts. When I get a migrain I just wanna keel over and die. Preferably in a nice quiet, dark, room. Hold the incense and perfumes. And I get so sleepy. Fall asleep in class, or at lunch or wherever. I just get trashed. And the goddamned meds take too long to kick in…And ever if they help my head, they don’t usually clear my vision. It stays all nice and blurry. Makes all the people look all warm n fuzzy and pretty colored. But it hurts to look too long. Like for more than a half a second or so. Not to mention it puts me in a helluva bad mood. Imagine what I’m like with a migrain on my period. Like a bitch from hell.

Well…this white screen is startin to get to me….n I need to write my essay…you’ll hear from me later…about if I get Wyatt to go to Winter Formal…or if I get to see him or whatever.

-Jessica lynn



January 9, 2008

I need hug

So…helluva yesterday, let me tell yous about it. Just a quick list, not to big on details at the moment.

In the morning I overslept by about a half hour, fed Kira instead of myself, didn’t even get coffee, and nearly missed the bus.

During school I got a killer migrain, and right after I took my migrain meds, I got my fucking period. So I skipped track, again.

I’m almost out of my Naproxyn, only 1.5 doses left. So I’m skipping tonight’s dose to help me with tomorrow.

I didn’t get to talk to Wyatt last night at all really. And I’m really hoping he’ll call back tonight. I called and his mom answered, I was pretty shocked. But she said she’d ask him to call me when he got home. He was supposed to be home at 5, and then go out to dinner. So who knows when he’ll call. I guess I’ll wait to try until 8ish.

Today wasn’t so bad, I had a speech n the first draft of an essay due. But when I got home, my mom ripped on me about my acne, not finishing making dinner, etc etc etc. I just wanted to eat….is that a crime?

Worst part though…ever since the other day…I’ve had Antwinette on my mind. Her and Wyatt(he’s not bad, he’s actually pretty awesome) so why’s this bad, right? Well…he said she was cuter than me. I’m hotter, but she’s cuter. And yeah, I’ll tell anybody to their face I’d rather be hott than cute any day. And yeah, for reals, I’d rather actually be wanted than just ‘easy on the eyes’. But seriously? That cut, deep. I’d love to be cute. I guess…nobody sees that part of me. I thought maybe Wyatt had. But…I never really told him, that’s pretty clear now. Somehow I always thought guys thought girls wearing oversized guys sweatshirts n such was cute. Obviously that’s just my own opinion. Somehow I thought being sleepy, or wearing my pjs to school sometimes was cute. I guess not. So many little things, most of which prolly go unnoticed, I do, just to try and be cute. I know I’m not your natural cutie pie girli girl. But…I kinda thought I didn’t have to try to hard either. I thought hott was something that would take effort. But the hell with this. I’ll live, right? I just wish I could talk to Wyatt. Yeah about this. But really? I don’t care. I just wanna hear his voice. I want him to make me feel better, like he used to. Like he still does.

-Jessica lynn