Heya guys

March 27, 2008

I LIVE!!!! ME SWEARS!!

Come Sail Away-Styx

I’m sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea
I’ve got to be free, free to face the life that’s ahead of me
On board, I’m the captain, so climb aboard
We’ll search for tomorrow on every shore
And I’ll try, oh Lord, I’ll try to carry on

I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy, some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever, so the story goes
But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
But we’ll try best that we can to carry on

A gathering of angels appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said
They said come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their starship and headed for the skies
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me

Love the song or die me says ^.^ Is AWESOME. Undeniably so. Maybe me links it so you must know the awesomeness…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMPGljxE-sk not great vid. Jus is words, but hey, is music. ^.^

So, I gots teh solo in Encanto. Not that I care. But hey, is something.

Lacrosse is going good. So yeah.

I’m supposed to go see Hello Dolly tomorrow. Yay! I love seeing Wyatt. Is like, the bestest best thing I can do with my life.

I’m talkin’ to Danny again. Not really. But like, I’m not giving him the silent treatment and he’s aware of that fact. lol.

Rachael is my new friend. So cool. She’s fun.

My lacrosse team isn’t rejecting me…but for some reason they were all under the impression I was bi or lesbian….so I had to fix that. Now they ok with me. More or less anyways.

So yeah. Is my quick thingy on my being alive.

Cya

-Jessica lynn

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Well…

March 16, 2008

I totally dun have the time to type this…BUT

I SAW WYATT TODAY! For like 5 hours! How awesome is that? He was here, we watched Moulin Rouge(i cant spell) we played mancala….that’s all you get to know w/out a VIP pass into my life. ^.^

-Jessica lynn

Same ol’ Same ol’

March 6, 2008

My parents are fighting. And WP is that only thing I have to talk to. Everybody else is busy. So…yeah, hi.

Sigh…my parents are fighting about lacrosse…I’m tired. I have homework. Fuck. I forgot about that.

Well, I’ll give you a quick go over of the day n split.

Had school, got a headache, had lacrosse, had fun, ate din din, had a flute lesson, came home fought w/ my mom, then showered, then listened to my parents fight. Yup. Was my day. Now I go find homework. Maybe do, and then go night night.

Lates

-Jessica lynn

Things are looking

March 5, 2008

up?

Methinks so. Wyatt seems to feel a little better. We talked more last night. I feel better having talked to him.

Sammi is like in heaven today. So that made me feel even betta. A happy Sammi is a happy me even when I’m not happy. We were both singin’ all day long (literally going la-lala-la out loud)

Hopefully I can be uber super happy with Sammi more than I am on Monday….if I see Wyatt over the weekend. Maybe Saturday after Lax practice…I’ve got Lax on SATURDAY!!! At the beach ^.^ and it’s only 2 hours.

Anyways…I dunno what I’m talkin’ bout no more.

See you guys later.

-Jessica lynn

Guess What

March 4, 2008

I did something stupid again!  YAY ME!

Yeah, so, I was talking to Wyatt last night yeah? And I decided that I should prolly tell him about asking Ty out last year…just cuz..I dunno, I was just feeling guilty and kinda thought I’d maybe waited long enough that be wouldn’t hate me for it. Well…not so true. He’s really not happy about. More hurt than mad maybe, but definately upset.

So what can I do? I don’t know. It happened last year…but he actually asked me if I’d asked him out…and I lied to Wyatt’s face, told him no. Like what, and hour after I’d asked Ty out? How twisted is that?

But..I thought maybe..if I told Wyatt, maybe he’d understand…I think about now and…I was askin’ too much.

This is getting way bigger than I thought it would. People know about it, people I don’t always tell everything. Sam jumped on me about it this morning. She’s totally 100% on Wyatt’s side. I’m glad, but kinda lonely. After talkin’ to her she got me too, she always does in the end. But…she dissapointed, badly.

I crossed a line. And not just a little.

This is just a fucking mess. Clean up in asile 3?? Anybody?

*sigh* I need help…from myself.

This is going nowheres. I’ve gotta do something, but what??? This is where Sammi is supposed to pop up and tell me what’s going on, or that I’m dreaming, and that life is simple, and there’s nothing wrong. Well, my issues are real and my Sammi is not happy with me. Hell, I’m not happy with me!! I feel real bad. About this whole damn thing. Wish I’d never fucking met Tyler. I mean, like. Well…I can’t blame him. It’s my fault you know. And well..I just fucked up.

Personal goal in life: Quit fucking my life up. It has enough issues without my help.

I’m not doin’ so great for those of you who want to know/care. But I really doubt you do. I mean how many people that know me read this read? Wyatt I know. Other people sometimes…but eh. Not too much. I took my meds…soo, in a little while I’ll be asleep and none of this will matter anymore. So why does that sound so wrong and yet so nice?

Fuck. Wyatt doesn’t know who I am anymore. I  don’t know who I am anymore. Does anyone? I don’t even care really actually. I dug my own grave you know. I made Wyatt all that mattered in life, and then I told him all of my faults, and then I made some problems in addition to that. And then I told him about everything I’d dont he didn’t know. I was just asking  for him to find a reason not to want me anymore. It tears me up inside. Kinda like when we’re fighting. I know it’s bad before I hang up he doesn’t tell me he loves me. I know it’s really bad if I say it first and just says bye…or worse, last night he just hung up after I said I love you. And I know he heard me, there was a pause. And when I heard that phone click dead. That silence was like getting punched in the stomache. I mean yeah I deserved it. I know I deserved what I got. What he said on WP, what Sam said, the sinking feeling, the butterflies, everything. But..I can still hate it.

I’ve gotten better, we’ve been fighting more, which is bad. But I can hide that it hurts. How I feel about these fights hasn’t changed one goddamn bit since the beginnning of the year. But I can hide how I feel. It feels wrong on some levels. But it makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I still have some control over myself.

Crying was prolly good for me. But I hated it so much. I could prolly say crying is good for me considering the state I’m in. But like I said, I’ve got more control. I’m still typing, my eyes are clear enough to see the screen. Little things like that. Oh, and my sis who’s in the same room can’t tell (jus cuz she’s not looking at me) I guess it’s easier for me now too becuz I did this to myself. So can jus hate myself, and that’s not really worth crying over.

I need to call Wyatt back. I’ll post again another day I bet. Later.

-Jessica lynn

I’m ALIVE!!!!

March 2, 2008

I swear, I’m serious.

Miss me guys? I been busy, n I been lazy. BUT I’M HERE!!  AND I’M WRITING!!! So be happy…I command you *glare* lol.

I think I missed keeping up my little bloggy blog here..but I didn’t know until like 30 seconds ago when I started typin…so yeah.

WAZZUP? ^.^

I joined Lacrosse (LaX for short) I’m second chair flute. Wyatt’s my boyfriend again. Apparently I left that out…it happened in December. Over break. So…yeah. YAY!!!

LaX is fun but makes meh sore. We blew ~$200 on gear for my yesterday. And I made myself uber sore playin’ against a wall last night…

CHEWBAKA SENT ME A LETTER!!!!!!! So now I GOTTA send my letters. Let my friends know im alive still ya know.

So I’m good, I’m happy. Seen Wyatt 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Who wouldn’t be happy? I’ve got the best boyfriend I could possibly want. Sure, we fight sometimes, and sometimes we say the wrong things, or wonder out loud about the wrong stuff, but we’re good.

So yeah, I play WoW, I play Dragon Warrior Monster, but I’m in good shape and I got a cute boyfriend. The world is good.

Jessica Lynn