I’ve Realized

March 15, 2009

I’m pretty good at fucking up my life. It’s gotta be like a skill or something. Maybe I should get an achievement for that *snickers*

Anyways, reacently, I realized I’m depressed. Not because of something new or anything. I just am. And it’s a bit of a problem. Because it’s not something I know how to fix. I’ve tried chocolates, being ahealth freak, exercise, fighting, being a loner, and “talking about my feelings” but none of it really helps. So why complain here? Well why the hell not?

I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous Wyatt has a girlfriend, and I’m still single. Granted, I probably deserve to be single, but that doesn’t make it any less lonely now does it? And yeah I know there’s a handful of guys that want to go out with me, but I’m still to damn picky. I refuse to date someone that won’t make me happy. Or that I don’t think will make me happy. Or any 1 of 500 different things. I’m a mess, what can I say?

But damn…Wyatt can’t be the only guy I ever love that’ll love me back…right? I mean, I’m not gonna be alone forever. Right? *sigh* I worry too much. But I can’t help myself.

And blah blah blah I just keep complaining. I just keep feeling sorry for myself. And you know what, my life doesn’t even suck that much! But if you don’t wanna wallow in my pit of self pity…don’t, just leave. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I mean it’s not like most of the people in my life give a fuck about me anyways. Oh yeah sure, there’s a few who do. But they’re few and far apart. Probably, I’d say right now there’s 3. And 2 of em don’t even live here, and the 3rd probably won’t even admit that he’s the 3rd. So, what else is new?

I’m tired. And I need to stop this, I’m not helping anything. Hell, maybe I’m making things worse. Seriously though? It doesn’t matter, I’m just gonna shut myself up now.