I’ve Realized

March 15, 2009

I’m pretty good at fucking up my life. It’s gotta be like a skill or something. Maybe I should get an achievement for that *snickers*

Anyways, reacently, I realized I’m depressed. Not because of something new or anything. I just am. And it’s a bit of a problem. Because it’s not something I know how to fix. I’ve tried chocolates, being ahealth freak, exercise, fighting, being a loner, and “talking about my feelings” but none of it really helps. So why complain here? Well why the hell not?

I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous Wyatt has a girlfriend, and I’m still single. Granted, I probably deserve to be single, but that doesn’t make it any less lonely now does it? And yeah I know there’s a handful of guys that want to go out with me, but I’m still to damn picky. I refuse to date someone that won’t make me happy. Or that I don’t think will make me happy. Or any 1 of 500 different things. I’m a mess, what can I say?

But damn…Wyatt can’t be the only guy I ever love that’ll love me back…right? I mean, I’m not gonna be alone forever. Right? *sigh* I worry too much. But I can’t help myself.

And blah blah blah I just keep complaining. I just keep feeling sorry for myself. And you know what, my life doesn’t even suck that much! But if you don’t wanna wallow in my pit of self pity…don’t, just leave. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I mean it’s not like most of the people in my life give a fuck about me anyways. Oh yeah sure, there’s a few who do. But they’re few and far apart. Probably, I’d say right now there’s 3. And 2 of em don’t even live here, and the 3rd probably won’t even admit that he’s the 3rd. So, what else is new?

I’m tired. And I need to stop this, I’m not helping anything. Hell, maybe I’m making things worse. Seriously though? It doesn’t matter, I’m just gonna shut myself up now.

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2 Responses to “I’ve Realized”

  1. bluedusksky said

    you can still talk to me anytime you want, you know my cell but if you leave a message I’m never gonna get it cuz the screen’s broken, im also on aim, if you don’t wanna talk to me, you don’t have to, but I’m here if you want.

  2. davidwoot said

    Wow, this was awhile back. I’m just gonna say some general stuff thats prolly not even relevant anymore. First, depression is serious and it seriously sucks. While I’m 99.9% sure I have never felt near the lows that you have, the thing that has worked for me recently is realizing that things that seem like a big deal often aren’t.

    Holding in your emotions isn’t healthy, but neither is venting them before you get any perspective. Counting to ten is a load of crap, but sleeping on it makes a world of difference. Don’t just wake up and start where you left off, but reexamine things again and you’ll usually see it’s not so bad, or atleast that you can get through it.

    Yaaaay, I sound like an idealistic douche now. Honestly I’m writing this as much for myself as for you so don’t be mad. Take each day as it comes and don’t worry about things beyond your control. Nobody wants you to be unhappy, and things just have a way of working out.

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