After Mira Mesa Tourny

November 4, 2007

Before you even ask, we didn win, or even get second. We gots third. And I got forgotten by my secret pal. But oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

I’m goin pretty psycho right now. But I guess it’s time to type about it because it didn go away overnight like it usually does…it got worse. 0.0 Somehow, I think that’s a bad thing….

So yeah, yesterday I knew that Westview would be there, and I knew that one way or another I was gonna find Wyatt or Michael *preferably both*  But how it happened was just so weird. *sigh*

I’d been thinking about how I was gonna find them, if I was really gonna find them, etc. etc, etc. When RB finished their show, and it was time for MC to go and put our street clothes back on. I stood up, turned, and there he was. Sitting behind me wearing an MC jacket. I thought I was hallucenating at first I swear. It was just too easy. That and I was in shcok. All I said was hi. And then I was gone. I changed and got back to the field faster than some people got off the field.

I got back, and I sat with him. But really, all I did was sit there and listen to him and this girl Nikki talk. (she’s the one who’s jacket he was wearing) So really all I got to do was see him, and hug him like twice. Go me. It sucks. I can’t find a good enough reason not to like him to actually quit liking him. But I can’t really do anything about liking him. God, I just wanna let it go but I can’t!!!!

Problem number one-he goes to Westview, if I ever got anywhere with him I’d almost never see him.

Problem number two-I’ve only seen him twice. I hardly know the guy, I know Robert better than I know him!

Problem number three-He likes somebody, who isn’t me.

I really just don’t think he likes me. I mean why would he? It’s not like he knows me or anything. There’s too many complications…if he wasn’t so damn hott it wouldn’t be so hard. I mean it’s not like I’ve met anybody hott before or anything, but it’s just like a combination of well….everything. It’s just wow. Like seriously. I can’t explain and I’m just being pathetic trying. But I can’t think straight or antything. It sucks. I hate it. I love it. Why do I meet people like that!? And why do I have to obsess over them when I do? Why do I always (well not always, but most of the time) end up meeting the wrong people? If I hadn’t met Michael, or if I knew I’d never see him again, or if I hadn’t gotten his number. This would all be so different. And probably easier too. Just thinking about him gives me butterflies in my stomache! I hate this. He shouldn’t have this big of an effect on me. I shouldn’t care so much. And I could go on and on about what I shouldn’t but that’s not gonna help me any. RAWR.

And come on, we can’t forget Wyatt in this mess!

He’s been on my mind too. But not so much actually…I think maybe, sadly, I really am kinda sorta moving on. I mean, yeah, for like the tenth time, he’s still my friend. But he’s made it pretty clear I don’t get another chance with him until next year. And he’s right. We both need to try and meet other people. Because I mean let’s face it, there are other peoplem, and one of them just might be better than him. But how the hell am I gonna know if I never give the guiy a half a chance. That what happened with Wyatt isn’t it? I wouldn’t give him a chance, so I never knew how great he was until we were almost out of time. Maybe das a li’l exaggerated. But you get the point.

And guess what, I didn’t just have Wyatt n Michael in my head but Robert too.  Is problematic yes?

Robert’s actually a lot like Wyatt…he’s tall, he’s funny, he’s kind of a loner, his hair is right at that length where everytime I see him I’ve gotta tell myself not to play with it and end up playing with it anyways. And he’s always trying to tell me that everything’s ok. Why he’s not like Wyatt? He’s got brown hair, brown eyes, he’s Austrailian *awesome much?* he plays clarinet, he’s pretty talkative…well, once you get him talking. And right now the most logical thing to do is the hardest thing to accept, in anyway shape or form. Robert goes to MC, but he’s a sophmore. He can be really sweet, but sometimes he teases me too much. Usually he doesn’t wanna give me hug, but sometimes he gives me one anyways. *If you don’t understan, I’m listing pros and cons of Robert* For some reason people have been trying to tell me that him being a sophmore doesn matter…I don’t know what to think of that. Right now I’m still half in denial about liking him at all.

On Friday-the football game, I was really hoping it’d be more like most of the other football games. Alex n, me giving each other massages, and then at some generally he’d come over and talk, or bug us for a massage or whatever. First problem, Alex wasn’t there. After that, the rest just kinda fell apart. I couldn’t get him to come talk to me. In the end I massaged Audry while I talked to Andy. After the football game, after I had my street clothes on, while I was waiting for my sister to say goodbye to John so I could leave I saw Robert. I asked him for a hug. He said no, just like he does about 50% of the time I ask. (so confusing) I didn’t feel like bugging him cuz I was tired so I let it go. I walked with him to parking lot. Decided if I hadn’t a hug by then, I wasn’t getting one. So I turned and walked back ya know? Dunno why, but he came back. He was on the phone. Stood there for a while, then turned and left again. But he stopped, turned around and told me I could have a hug if I really wanted one. Now don’t get me wrong, I was happy and I hugged him. But why would he do that? And why did it make me so happy? He shouldn’t make me that happy.

Ok. My guts have now been spilled. When I have more I’ll tell you.

-Jessica lynn



October 16, 2007

Last night, Wyatt gave me Michael’s number….so, logically, today I called him.

The first time I called, he didn’t answer(I didn’t know WestView got out at 3 and not 2:30!!) so I left a message. >_< It was pretty fun I’ll admit, but also pretty darn awkward…so…yeah. Then I had track.

Since I had time before my flute lesson, I called him….again. This time, he answered, he hadn’t listened to his messages yet, but he did remember who I was/am. Whatever. lol. So, I talked to him for like 20 mintues ish. ‘Cause that’s all the time I had. He didn’t find it weird, or stalkerish that I got his number, he guessed that Wyatt was my ex*sniffles* he didn’t find it weird that I’ve had him on my mind for the past two weeks. He likes YellowCard*sweet!* I can’t really think of much else we talked about. I spent a lot of time feeling kinda shocked, happy, and distant. Like I wasn’t really sure this was happening. You know?

Then I had my lesson and now here I am. Planning on calling Michael and/or Wyatt later tonight, but needing to do homework first.

Maybe I’ll give you some more info later yeah?

Oh, and quick rewind. Yesterday, on my way home with my migrain, my mom thought I was just getting an easy out from parade tryouts*which I didn’t make by the way* so she yelled at me most of the way home*yeah that’s right, while I was crying* How’s that for tough luck? Going home to get some peace quiet and sleep, and getting bitched at instead. HA! Sucks….ok, yeah, done now. Later guys.

-Jessica lynn