The Young and the Reckless

October 7, 2015

So…I’ve left my husband. I’ve moved back to the states. My psychologist tells me he was mentally, sexually, and physically abusive. I’ve wrapped my mind around, and mostly accepted all but the last of those. Now I’m being told I should see a psychiatrist and see about getting some anti-anxiety medication. I guess I saw this coming, but I still hate meds.

I’ve calmed down a LOT. I feel more grounded, dare I say sane. But I cannot deny the stress and anxiety. Working on letting go of the hubby, it’s hard. The best thing I’ve found for me so far is work on myself. Get my life on track. I applied to culinary school. Got accepted. I’ve lost nearly 25 pounds. I’m rock climbing again. Wyatt’s been a good friend through all of this, how I didn’t drive him away, or at least mad I do not know, but I’m grateful. I’ve reconnected with Katie (Morgan) and I’m trying to set something up to see Kevin. My neurosis is not totally under control, but I’m managing it, and have confidence in my ability to bury it at least a while longer. I can bury it a little deeper every day.

Why I’m typing here I don’t know. I have been writing in glorious glitter pen in a journal until now but *shrugs* I guess typing can be it’s own special joy at times. And I get less starry eyed maybe 😛

-Everything that kills me makes me feel alive -Counting Stars-Onerepublic